Transformers: Retards in Disguise
by G-ChanSanKun
Summary: In the third installment of the Retard series, Gina decides to buy an alien. Of course, she doesn't know that. Or does she? After all, who wouldn't want to make friends with giant robots? Rated T for Terrific! No pairings. Read and enjoy at your own risk!
1. Chapter 1

**Oh yea, you know I went there...**

**Disclaimer: _Transformers_, the 2008 movie that I'm ripping off, belongs to Michael Bay and DreamWorks, and whoever else owns this movie in real life. This crack plot, and me, belong to, well, me.**

* * *

Sam Witwicky hated mornings. He hated the period of time before first period the most, because all he could do was hope to not fall asleep.

There was a good 30 seconds before the bell had to ring. What to do? Surely nothing would happen on such a humdrum day in a loser town like his...

Abruptly the door slammed open, and a girl no one recognized walked into the classroom, clearly looking for something... or someone. Whatever it was, she seemed hellbent on finding it.

Then, Sam met eyes with her, and his fate was sealed.

She marched over, grabbed his arm, and roughly pulled him to his feet.

"Wha… Who are you?!" he spluttered.

"It's time to meet your maker, Sam," was her eerie reply.

Just as the bell for home room was ringing, Sam was dragged from the classroom. Five minutes later, Mr. Hosney was strolling into the room, sitting down and taking attendance. No one noticed the two figures on the roof, or that one figure was stabbing the other repeatedly. The didn't noticed when they began to shoot the corpse, and they didn't notice when they set it on fire and threw it to the ground. He went through the list twice, and then a third time before he finally spoke up.

"Where is Sam Witwicky?" he sounded more than slightly annoyed.

As if on cue, the door burst open again, revealing our heroine, Gina, who had previously dragged Sam out of the room.

"Sam, where were you?" the teacher asked, raising an eyebrow, "You're the first up with your presentation."

"Um, I was tossing a body off the roof, and I had to take a pit stop in the bathroom to wash the blood off my hands. Oh, and I also had to change into clean clothes. Killing people is very messy. By the way, my name is Gina," Gina replied.

"A likely story, Sam. At least _try_ to come up with a believable story next time. I doubt that you're a murderer."

"My name is…!"

"Start the presentation!"

Rolling her eyes, Gina walked to the front of the class, briefly observing the items that the late Sam Witwicky had placed on the table. An old compass, a map, a miniature telescope, some leather bags, and a broken pair of glasses. Well, it was obvious that Sam sure did take the time to _prepare_ for this Show-and-Tell.

"Hm. Fine, I'll play your freakin' game," Gina glanced up at the class, all business now, "Well, the stuff you see here once belongs to my… long-dead relative, Captain Archibald Witwicky…"

Abruptly, a pencil smacked her chest, bouncing off her boobs before falling to the table. The classroom began to giggle, and Mr. Hosney glared at them. Trent, Mikaela's amazingly hot boyfriend, was looking around as if he was trying to find who did it. But Gina wouldn't be having any of that.

"Hey, Blondie," Gina spoke, her voice low. Trent met her glare with a slightly bewildered glance.

"Guess who slashed your tires and keyed your precious piece of shit truck?" she deadpanned, not even bothering to try and sound innocent. The look on Trent's face was priceless as he sprang to his feet and tore out of the room. The class, meanwhile, had grown deathly silent, stunned with Gina's declaration.

"Too bad he's a douche... I probably would've stolen him from Mikaela over there. I'm so hotter than her," Mikaela glared at her, "Oh don't give me that. At least I don't have lip or boob implants, and at least I don't use Botox. This half-black ass of mine is 100% all natural*. Now, are you all going to act your age and let me present this?" Gina snapped. No one said a word, or even moved, so Gina continued with her story, "Anyway, my... great-grandfather was the first man to sail the Arctic Ocean, which is pretty awesome. These here are the things he used on his trip."

Gina began to explain more in-depth what each piece of equipment was, surprising even the teacher. Usually Witwicky was a lame ass failure, and she is suddenly an amazing student? Had she been kidnapped by aliens or something?

"Unfortunately, while in the Arctic, he went blind and crazy, ranting about strange symbols and a giant metal man," Gina concluded, "But I mean, come on, it's insane. Anyway, no one has ever come across whatever my great-grandpa found, so for now, everyone believes he just somehow snapped because of the harsh, cold weather. Anyway, before I put an end to this presentation, I just wanted to make note that all these items here are for sale, and if you were interested in buying, let me know, and we can talk."

"Sam," Mr. Hosney warned her. Gina rolled her eyes.

"I'm _done_, Mr. Hosney," she gathered her things just as the bell was ringing. She waited until everyone had left, and she approached the teacher, "So, how'd I do?"

He handed her the paper.

"I'm really impressed with your presentation, Sam. You get an A+," he informed her, "I must say, I'm please to see this sudden and unexpected turnaround. I hope I'll be getting more work like this for you in the future."

"Awesome. Oh, um, one more thing, Mr. Hosney. I'm _not_ Sam Witwicky. My name is Regina Baker."

"What is with you and changing your name?" the teacher replied in exasperation, pulling out Sam's student record and showing it to her. Gina's eyes widened as she found herself staring face-to-face with her own picture. Only her name really _was _Samantha Witwicky. Everything else matched who she was to a tee.

"What… what the fuck?"

"_Excuse me_, Miss Witwicky?"

"N-no… nothing… I'll be leaving now…"

Gina walked through the halls, completely confused beyond anything. Why had her name changed? What was different here compared to the _Taken_ and _Pirates of the Caribbean_ movieverses?

_Well,_ a little voice spoke up; _you didn't kill any main characters in the other verses._

That was a point. She did just kill the real Sam 45 minutes ago. She hadn't been renamed in _Taken_ because Kim was on leave, and so Gina replaced her. Something about a debt to a boss or whatever…

Well, she supposed she would have to remember she was called Samantha, and avoid trying to correct everyone who called her the wrong name.

As the left the building, a honk caught her attention. It was Ron Witwicky… and wow… what a shitty car. She almost regretted jumping into this verse, simply because of the fact that her "dad" was driving such a shitty car.

Gina walked over.

"How was school, Sam?" Ron asked as Gina got into the car.

"My name is Gina," she blurted without even thinking twice.

"What are you talking about?"

"Eh… nothing… anyway, let's get my car. I want a Lamborghini."

"Let's see the grade."

She handed him the paper and watched him check the grade. He had a grin on his face as he handed Gina the slip of paper back, and started driving.

"A+! Good job! Well let's get you that car. And I've got a surprise for you."

"Oh, do you now?"

A few minutes later, Ron was pulling into a lot with Porsches. Gina's eyes widened.

"PORSCHES?! OH SCREW THAT! I WANT A LAMBORGHINI!" she shrieked. Ron just stared at her.

"I was kidding anyway, Sam."

Gina was grumbling curses to herself as Ron pulled into the crappy car lot next door. There was a clown whose makeup was melting off of his face. He seemed to be having a heatstroke. No one else seemed to care either.

"Hey Dad, can I put that guy out of his misery?" Gina asked.

Ron didn't like the sound of that, so he simply said "No."

"… you're no fun _at all_…"

"Welcome to Bolivia's!" Bobby Bolivia greeted as he walked over, "Name's Bolivia, just like the country except for the runs."

He laughed a harsh, wheezing laugh that reminded Gina of hyenas, and she would've commented that he probably should stop smoking crack, but she then realized that if she did, she might forfeit her privilege of buying a car in the first place. So, she shut up.

"Well what can I do for you fine folks today?"

"Well my daughter here is about to buy her first car," Ron almost choked up with pride. Gina just stared at him. Was he really getting all sentimental _just_ because she was buying a car? She was 19, and she had her license for three years! If he had known who she really was, he would shut the fuck up!

_Why_ did she decided to jump into this movieverse?

"Well, little lady, I'm sure we have just the car for you." Bobby was babbling on.

One car in particular caught Gina's eye. It was a yellow orange shade, with black racing stripes.

"This one's rather sexy," Gina walked up and ran her hand along the metal surface. Oddly enough, the hood felt warm, as if the car had just been running. Strange, why would the car have been idling in the lot?

"Yes… it… I don't know where this one came from…" Bobby called one of his cronies to scream at him about the strange car.

Gina, meanwhile, opened the driver's side door and sat in the old leather seat. She grasped the steering wheel, getting an overall feel for the car. There was something different about this car; it was almost like meeting a guy that you know will be your soul mate. Actually, that was a bad analogy, but I'm sure you know what I mean.

That's when she sensed it; a strange, almost electrical vibe coming from the car.

_I've found you._

She knew this car was the one. There were no others. Only him.

"I want this one," Gina suddenly demanded. Bobby Bolivia looked it over.

"Well, considering the custom paint job of the car, I'll set the price at $5,000," he offered.

"No, sorry, we only have $4,000," Ron spoke up.

Gina glared murderously at him, "Well, I want **this** car, and nothing else," she snapped. She glowered over at Bobby, "$4,000."

"No can do honey. The price has been set."

"What if I sucked your dick?"

Ron's jaw dropped. Bobby's eyes bulged out of his head.

"You… _what_?"

"What, do you want me to go all the way and fuck you? Or would you rather I just steal this right now!?"

"Sam! I don't like that attitude of yours," Ron warned.

"If we don't get this car, I'll steal it. I don't care. Hell, I'll take it right now!"

Abruptly, all the windshields to the other cars exploded. The group gawked at what just occurred. Well, they gawked after ducking in terror at the flying shards of glass that could probably gouge an eye out.

"… Oh. I just cursed your lot, by the way," Gina quickly capitalized on the opportunity, "And I'll curse you too. In three days, demons will come and drag you to Hell…**"

"F-Four thousand!"

Gina grinned smugly.

"Of course. Oh, by the way, you should really work on that crack addiction of yours. You sound like a dying animal."

* * *

*** Yes, I'm half black, half white. Being bi-racial has its perks, for sure.**

**** A very obscure _Drag me to Hell_ reference.  
**

**A/N: This first chapter was rather hastily thrown together, but yea, this is the next installment of my Retard series. It'll be a little less cracky than Taken, but a tad more humorous than Retards of the Caribbean. But I hope you enjoy it all the same. Reviews are more than welcome; they're encouraged :) PS - you can figure out if Gina knows that car is really a robot or not :D  
**


	2. Chapter 2

**To****_ Crowthing_: She killed Sam simply because of the fact that she hates him. He's just one of those people I'd like to grab and throttle for a good forever, since he's ridiculously useless, so I figured killing him off and getting him out of the way would be best. Plus, it was the only way I could think of for people to be calling Gina "Samantha" instead of her actual name :D Hope that made sense!  
**

**Disclaimer: _Transformers_, the 2008 movie that I'm ripping off, belongs to Michael Bay and DreamWorks, and whoever else owns this movie in real life. This crack plot, and me, belong to, well, me.**

* * *

"So, what are we supposed to do?" Kimmie asked, looking and sounding bored.

"We're going to go to this party, and we have to act cool," Gina informed her little sister as she turned around a corner and pulled up in front of the park, where all the popular kids where hanging out.

"How do we do that?"

"Simple; we get out of the car."

And they did just that, stepping out in to the sun in their scantily-clad outfits. Who would've thought they could manage to wear less than Mikaela?!

After he got over the shock of seeing her dressed like that WITH her sister, Trent approached her, his slut… I mean, girlfriend at his side. "Hey. You did a good job making a fool of me. You owe me."

"At least I didn't actually fuck your car up."

"You've got a lot of nerve."

"That's not what you were saying when I was sucking your dick in that empty classroom the other day."

Trent's eyes bugged out, and Mikaela gaped at him. Gina had a sly grin on her face as she surveyed the damage that she had dealt. And then, she dealt some more.

"I think you were saying something more along the lines of 'Oh my God,' and 'You're better than Mikaela at this'."

At that, Mikaela spun around and slapped Trent across the face, hard.

"You fucking dick!" she spun around and stormed off. Trent could only stare in horror as his hot, now-ex-girlfriend walked down the road. He rounded on Gina, completely enraged.

"You little bitch!" he loomed over her, ready to snap her neck.

Abruptly, Gina boxed his ears. Screaming, he collapsed to the ground, twitching as blood trickled out of his ears. Then, as he was writhing in pain on the ground, Gina plucked the keys from his pocket, and took out a switchblade, and proceeded to slash the tires and key his truck. She dropped the keys on his face and squatted down next to him.

Patting his shoulder, she said cheerfully "At least it's not a lie now. Oh, and if you dare try to make me pay for it, then be prepared to say goodbye to your eardrums for _good_."

She straightened back up, glancing over at Kimmie. "Shall we go?"

"Yes, yes we shall."

As she drove down the road, she caught sight of Mikaela walking down the road. She actually felt slightly bad for the slu… girl.

"What are you thinking?" Kimmie asked her.

"Eh, I slightly feel bad for ruining Mikaela's life. I was only trying to destroy Trent's."

"Well if you want to help put her out of her misery, then run her ass over."

"KIMMIE! Shut up and get in the back, geez!"

"Hey, I was here first!"

"Look it'll just be easier to hear the directions to her house if she's sitting next to me okay?"

Ignoring Kimmie's grumbling as she crawled into the backseat in the moving vehicle (which I remind you, is something you should not try at home) he slowed down, glancing out the window. "Hey! Need a ride?"

Mikaela smiled and then got in the car.

"Sorry about this," Mikaela spoke up. Gina glanced over at her as she started driving again.

"Why are you apologizing? I offered," she replied with a snort.

"Well, Trent was going to be my ride home. God, I can't believe I was dating such a jerk. But I guess I just have a thing for tight abs and large biceps."

Gina blinked before looking out at the road. "Well, I don't blame you. I rather like it when I'm being wrapped up in thick arms. It gives me the leverage I need to wrap my legs around his waist."

There was a brief silence when the occupants of the car were staring at the driver in a peculiar fashion, like she hadn't just implied that she was a total slut.

"So you're new here?" Mikaela asked, abruptly changing the subject. Gina gave her a "look".

"Mikaela, seriously?" Gina asked stonily, "We've been in the same school since _kindergarden_. How stupid are you? And how the fuck did you get to be a senior in high school?"

The girl stared at her for a long moment before she abruptly said "Sam."

"What?"

"Sam Witicky."

"It's Sam _Witwicky_. I'm regretting my decision to be nice to you."

Abruptly, the car died, and a song suddenly started play.

"_Who's gonna take me hooooooome... tonight~_"

"… What the fuck…"

The car sputtered to a stop near the edge of a cliff. Gina peered over the dashboard.

"… What the _fuck_…"

Mikaela looked slightly annoyed. Gina glared at her. "What?! If you're stupid enough to think that I'm the one who somehow cut this damned engine, then go jump off a cliff! I'm **straight**, you loser!"

"Pop the hood."

Mikaela sounded annoyed too. Gina flipped her off, popping the hood in the end anyway. Secretly she hoped the metal hood would spring up, upper-cutting Mikaela's face in the process.

"I'm gonna fucking shove you over the cliff if you don't quit your shit!" she settled for snapping once she found, to her disappointment, that the car didn't bitchslap Mikaela.

Gina got out of the car, Kimmie climbing out and following suit. Mikaela was holding on to the tip of the hood, leaning in the check out the engine.

"You've got a nice engine here. Double carburetor… This can go pretty fast…"

Gina looked at the thing of beauty: "I have no idea what the fuck you're talking about."

"You've got a part here that needs tweaking..." Mikaela leaned in to mess with some loose part. Her shirt rode up, exposing her flat abs, and her back arched, poking her ass out slightly.

Gina glanced at the sight and rolled her eyes. "Oh what-the-fuck-ever," she said, shoving Mikaela out of the way, "You call that being sexy? That's nothing."

She propped her upper-body on her elbows, on the top of the grill of the car, and arched her spine, popping out her much larger ass. She pulled her hair out of her ponytail, shaking it out before draping it over one side of her head. Licking her lips, she spread out her legs, and the image was obviously a blatant invitation for sex.

"God Mikaela, aren't you supposed to be the biggest star in the porn industry?" Gina said, rocking her hips from side to side. Whilst watching, God creamed his jeans. "I'll have to take you under my wing, or something. No worries, young grasshopper, you will hone your skills in time..." she then winked at the sun, which promptly died. This is also known as a sunset.

"We're the same age."

"No we're definitely not, you freakin' baby."

"What?"

"… Nevermind."

* * *

"Well, thanks for the ride." Mikaela smiled as Gina pulled up.

The other girl looked rather pissed off. "Don't thank me. Next time, you can walk your ass home."

Mikaela looked slightly upset. "I don't know," she went into "I-need-a-therapist mode" as she changed the topic, "It's like the guys just think I'm some shallow and easy slut. All the guys only want my body. None of them seem to look any deeper than that."

Gina stared at her incredulously before breaking out into laughter. "Of course they think you're shallow: _you are_! God you're such a loser! I thought you weren't gonna be all stereotypical! I guess with you, there's more than meets the eye. In any event, I understand with the guy thing. That's why I have really high standards and won't date just anyone because of their large biceps. See, I'm a girl that looks for a guy who has depth, unlike SOMEONE I know, ahem, ahem, Trent's ex-girlfriend."

Cue the Linkin Park theme song for the movie… Meanwhile, Gina inwardly congratulated herself on managing to incorporate what was supposed to be a very important phrase in the movie, although it's only used like, twice.

Mikaela smiled gratefully "See you in school."

"Go kill yourself," Gina muttered under her breath as Kimmie crawled in to the front seat.

"I told you so."

"Kimmie, shut up."

* * *

Later that night, Gina was enjoying the bliss of slumber. Well, at least until the sounds of her car revving pulled her from her sleep. She blinked groggily before abruptly sitting up, eyes wide as she recognized the sound of her car. She dashed out to the upstairs balcony, gaping in horror as her car drove off. Then, she said the single, more expected thing you would expect her to say.

"Oh hell no."

That was about the point in time when she ran back to her room, and pulled out **the goods***. She had enough magazine clips to take on the whole god damn U.S. Army. That's right. Don't mess.

"A bitch is goin' down tonight."

* * *

*** If you want to know what that is all about, go read my other story, _Taken by Retards._ It will explain everything.**

**A/N: This chapter is short than the first one, but the next one should be longer (I'd promise it, but I really don't know). It may be a tad sloppy, but my brain melted out of my skull around Tuesday, so I've been unable to really think. But I wanted to get this thing out because the half-finished chapter was bothering the fuck out of me. Anyway, enjoy! And I'll try to update soon (most likely AFTER I go home for break).**

**Reviews are more than welcome; they're encouraged :)  
**


	3. Chapter 3

**Took me long enough...  
**

**Disclaimer: _Transformers_, the 2008 movie that I'm ripping off, belongs to Michael Bay and DreamWorks, and whoever else owns this movie in real life. This crack plot, and me, belong to, well, me.**

* * *

Slowly, like a serial killer hunting their victim, she walked through the quiet and dark junkyard. Calculating eyes slowly took in her surroundings. Not one thing would go unnoticed.

She would find that thief and disembowel them. Of course, not before she forced them to divulge the location of her precious car. After that, it'd get rather gory. And it would change the rating of this story to M. I don't want that, so I'll just leave the rest to your imagination.

It wasn't hard to figure out where the guy had taken the car; they weren't exactly trying to conceal its movements. Gina easily followed the tire marks in the soft dirt as they led her to her destination.

As she rounded a corner, she just so happened to glance up to see where she was going. And she just so happened to see a giant metal robot standing up in the distance. She paused in her steps, studying the orange figure intently as it shot a beam of light from its chest. Then, she realized that it was probably a good idea to hide before she was noticed. So, she quickly ducked behind a pile of stuff, pulling out her cell phone and turning the video recorder on.

"Hey, it's me," she said quietly as she carefully pointed the phone over the rubbish to catch a glimpse of the robot before returning the view to her face, "Do you see that? Yea, I think that's my car. Remind me to never buy vehicles from car dealerships whose owner sounds like a dying jackal when he laughs. Though I guess I can't complain because I bought an alien for **only** $4000. By the way, no, you can't drive it, Kimmie."

With that, she saved the video to her phone, stood back up and surveyed the scene. It seemed that the robot had finished what it needed to do and left. You know what that means? Imminent alien invasion, just like _Independence Day_, which gave me a thought: maybe I should make a _Retarded Day_, or something. Moving on…

Gina had a similar revelation, save for the plot bunnies. _Well, I guess I just determined the fate of the world. Sorry, humanity…_

Now that that was all done and over with, she began her trek back across the junkyard, fully intending to go back to searching for her car, and the bastard that stole it.

Making her way into a more open area of the junkyard, her presence was noticed by the two guard dogs, who took off running towards her, snarling and growling the whole time. Gina was startled at first by the sudden noise, but stopped and watched as they ran towards her. They looked like they aimed to rip out her throat, among other things. She narrowed her eyes; there was a pit-bull and a German shepherd. Compared to underground Albanian kidnapping rings*, the dogs were...

"Hmph…" she scoffed, "Child's play."

With that, she slowly lifted her hand, which tightly gripped an Uzi. The dogs were very close at this point. It wasn't an issue. As they were leaping in the air, less than three feet from killing her, Gina squeezed the trigger, and didn't hold back.

The dogs didn't stand a chance, and the bodies were pumped with so much lead, the owner didn't recognize them when he found them the next day.

* * *

"I'm telling you," Gina repeated herself for the thousandth time that morning to the hick-ish cop and his redneck partner (she had been arrested the night before after they caught her walking calmly towards the entrance of the junkyard, her gun in her hand and spots of blood on her face and clothes), "It just stood up. Can I get my gun back? I showed you my gun permit three times already. And I killed those dogs out of self-defense."

"It just stood up. Wow, that's really neat," the sheriff stood up, handing Gina a small cup and a tissue, "Okay, little lady, time to fill her up. What are you rolling? Whippets? Goof balls? A little wowie sauce with the boys?"

Gina raised an eyebrow, giving him one of those 'if you give me the wrong answer, I will kill you' looks. "_Excuse_ me? I don't do drugs, asshole."

"Then what's these?" The sheriff pulled out a yellow prescription bottle, "Found it in your pocket. 'Mojo.' Is that what the kids are doing now, a little bit of Mojo...?"

Gina's gave him a full-out glare. "Mojo is my _pet fucking Chihuahua._"

Ron, who had come to bail her out and take her home, spoke up "It's a Chihuahua, you know… a little dog…"

"He broke his leg, you ignorant prick," Gina continued, snapping at the cop with no hesitation. The sheriff looked disgruntled but didn't say anything. Meanwhile Gina zoned out as she fell into thought. Now that it came to her, what _was_ that robot doing? The color of its… "skin"… matched that of her car. It was obvious what was going on… well, not really, besides an imminent alien invasion. Most likely though, she'd find out soon. I mean, how the hell could she not? She **owns** a freakin' alien for God's sake.

"What was that?" The sheriff's question abruptly snapped her out of her thoughts. She immediately found herself staring at the man's gun.

"What?" she asked, slightly confused.

Apparently, the cop thought now was a good time to try and intimidate the girl into behaving. "You eyeballin' my piece, 50 Cent? You wanna go?" he asked, leaning in really close. Gina remained unfazed – if anything, she was beginning to look downright furious. "Make something happen. Do it. 'Cause I promise you I will bust you up."

The sheriff _did _get a reaction; it just wasn't the one he expected. Gina abruptly grabbed the lapels of his jacket, yanking him even closer. Now he had a full view of her eyes, which had the Glare to End All Glares.

"Now listen up, you failed excuse of a cop," she growled in his face, "I don't need your fucking gun to _rip off your ball-sack_. And I'll do just that and a hell of a lot fucking more if you don't give me my fucking Uzi. You want me to make something happen? Oh, I'll make something happen. And then you'll wish you had never been fucking _born_."**

* * *

Gina was peering out of the kitchen window as her car revved itself in the driveway. It seemed to be waiting for her to come out.

"This has got to be the freakiest thing in the entire world," she muttered before calling through the house, "I'm going early, Kimmie!"

The younger sister yelled from upstairs, "Why?"

"Because I need to outrun my car!" Gina replied as she headed out the door.

"Wait, what?!"

Gina didn't hear her, of course. She was already sprinting across the lawn as if the legions of Hell were chasing her and gaining. Somehow, the car heard her exit, and was currently driving across the lawn after her.

"Ron's gonna be pissed when he sees his lawn," Gina breathlessly remarked to herself as she rounded a corner.

As she ran down the street, she absentmindedly observed how it seemed that she could sprint for very long distances when it involved running for her life; when she ran track, just the 200m dash alone killed her, forget about the 400. She didn't even want to think how far she currently was from her house.

Ahead of her was a girl, and as she grew closer, she realized it was Mikaela. The scantily-clad classmate, turned around just in time for Gina to nearly knock her over. Instead she slammed into her, grabbing Mikaela's shoulders before they could fall.

"Hey, Sam, what's up?" Mikaela asked, taking in Gina's ragged appearance, "Exercising?"

The familiar sound of her car revving caught Gina's attention. "No, just running from my car!" she said as she took off again, not allowing Mikaela any time to respond. The girl watched curiously as Gina sprinted down the street and rounded a corner.

Somehow, Gina found herself in another junkyard. _It never fails,_ she thought to herself as she began weaving and winding around the heaps of car parts. She ducked behind a well-sized pile, just as her car sped past. She heaved a deep sigh before another revving noise scared the hell out of her. She jumped to her feet, looking over only to find a police car.

"No!" she yelled, "Fuck you! I don't need your fucking antics again, you dick! Go fucking kill yourself!"

She approached the car, secretly wishing she had her Uzi (if there was ever a time where she needed to take her anger out on some poor, unsuspecting – but deserving – soul, now was the time).

"I swear to God, if you don't get off of my fucking case, I really will rip your nuts off…!" Abruptly the car jumped forward, knocking Gina over. She stared up at the car in disbelief.

"Did you seriously…?" The car began jumping forward again, and she quickly backed up to avoid getting ran over. The whole time she was shrieking at the guy.

"WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU!? POLICE BRUTALITY! I'M GOING TO SUE YOUR ASS SO HARD, YOU'LL FEEL IT IN THE MORNING!!"

Suddenly, one of the headlights protruded, changing into some strange spiky contraption. Gina froze, eyes wide as the spiky thing stopped only inches from her face. Her heart was pounding in her chest. She knew it, she just _knew it_.

That cop was a god damn alien. No wonder her car had a mind of its own! It was mind control!

At least, that's what she thought until the car _itself _began transforming into a giant robot. At first, she could only stare up at it in horror as it loomed over her.

"… You… You've got to be fucking kidding me!" she shrieked, scrambling to her feet and taking off and a dead sprint. The ca… robot, of course, chased her.

"OH MY FUCKING GOD!" she screamed, continuing to shriek wordlessly as she ran. Deep in the back of her mind, she pondered why the hell she was even trying, considering the robot was a good 20 feet taller than her and could very easily catch up with her…

Then, it batted her in to the air like she was just a bug. She landed on a scrap heap, letting out a cry of pain as her back muscles (the latismuss dorsi, lower trapezius and rhomboids, to be exact) spasmed painfully from the impact.

"Wh-What the hell…" she managed to mutter. Then, the robot stood over her, and this was about the point in time where she sincerely wondered if she was going to die or not.

"Are you username LadiesMan217?!" the robot demanded. Gina gave it a strange look… well… a pained strange look. Her ribs were still throbbing.

"Wh-What?! What the hell are you talking about?!" she half-shouted in response.

"ARE YOU LADIESMAN217?!"

"SURE! WHY THE HELL NOT?!" she screamed frantically, just wanting to get out of there and go home.

"Where is the Ebay item number 21153?!" The robot slammed its… fist… down on the car next to Gina's head. She let out a startled shriek. "WHERE ARE THE GLASSES?!"

As the robot raised its fist again, Gina took the opportunity to slip underneath him and take off at full speed towards the exit.

Outside, she noticed Mikaela riding towards her on a Moped. _No! What the hell is wrong with you, nosy bitch!_ Impulsively, Gina reached out, effectively clothes-lining the other girl, and knocking her off the Moped.

"Sam, what is your problem!?" she yelled at her. Gina was desperately trying to drag Mikaela to her feet.

"We gotta get the fuck out of here!" she screeched in response, "Unless you'd rather become tenderized meat by that guy!" The robot was running out towards them. Mikaela fell to her knees. Clearly, she was having a panic attack. Gina was too; she could just handle it better.

"MIKAELA! GET UP! WE'RE GOING TO DIE IF YOU DON'T GET UP AND FUCKING RUN!!!"

… Well, maybe not.

But they were in luck! Gina's stalker car roared around the corner, spinning around and tripping the giant robot. It came to a stop in front of Gina and Mikaela. Gina didn't hesitate.

"We've gotta get in the car," Gina urged, trying to pull Mikaela to her feet. The younger girl*** was shaking her head. "Mikaela, listen, we don't have a choice! Get in the god damn car!"

The two of them stumbled in to the car, and not a moment sooner. Gina's car took off, and the robot chasing her transformed back into a police car to give chase.

* * *

*** If you want to know what that is all about, go read my other story, _Taken by Retards._ It will explain everything.**

**** Yea, I used more or less the EXACT cop's dialogue for this scene, save for a small edit to match Gina's gender. It was just too perfect an opportunity to pass up.  
**

***** Mikaela's only a high school senior. Gina, is, in reality, 20 years old and a junior in college. Of course, no one else knows that :p  
**

**A/N: I finally managed to get this out. Personally this one is my favoritre so far. Of course, we still have a ways to go, don't we? Anyway, I hope you enjoy. I'll continue to force myself to get my act together to write and update my other stories. Promise!  
**

**Reviews are more than welcome; they're encouraged :)**


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimers: _Transformers_ doesn't belong to me. Neither do a few of the movie quotes that I used for this story. But this plot, and the characters you didn't see in the movie, do. Read at your own risk.**

* * *

"We're gonna die, we're gonna die!" Mikaela shrieked, "Oh my god!"

"Shut up! Would you rather be smashed into a pancake by that guy?!?! For fuck's sake!"

The car drove itself though a window.

"WHAT THE HELL!?!? DON'T GO BEATING YOURSELF UP! MY INSURANCE PREMIUMS WILL FUCKING SKYROCKET!"

In the span of 60 seconds, an entire day of car chasing went by (am I the only one who noticed this?*). Like, legitimately morning to night. It's ridiculous. Who the hell can afford that kind of gas?

"Jesus fucking Christ," Gina muttered as the car hid and shut itself off, "So much for doing absolutely everything I needed to fucking do."

Suddenly, her phone vibrated in her pocket. It was Kimmie:

"Where the hell are you?! You haven't been home all day!"

Sighing, Gina replied, "You wouldn't believe me if I told you."

"Try me."

"Driving across the state and back because a robot is trying to kill me?"

"What the fuck!? Why didn't you let me come with you?! Are you with Mikaela again!? I'll kill her!"

"Hey, shut the fuck up! It's not like I wanted her to come! Get over it!"

"Kick her out then! And then come and get me! I don't want to be missing this!"

The car suddenly started up and lurched forward and the motor gunned. "Bad time to be asking me for that!" Gina shrieked in response as the car just brushed past the cop car, "I gotta go!"

"Heavy sigh! Fine! I'll talk to you later."

Gina hung up just as her car spun around and opened its door, flinging her and Mikaela out on to the gravel. Then, it began to transform. The two girls scrambled out of the way to avoid getting crushed, and could only stare at it in awe as it assumed a battle-like position. The cop car came up and transformed back into its robot form before leaping and tackling Gina's car out of the way. Gina grabbed Mikaela, diving out of the way before they could get caught up in the mess.

"BITCH YOU BETTER NOT SCRATCH THE PAINT ON MY CAR! I'LL KILL YOU!"

"Sam, now's not the time!"

"Whatever!" Gina pulled Mikaela up, tugging her until they were both running away from the intense robot battle. She didn't realize it until the little bastard grabbed her pants leg, but the cop robot had released a little robot that is the biggest pain in the ass known to man.

Gina face-planted, before rolling over and seeing the thing tugging at her pants.

"WHAT THE FUCK?!" she screamed, kicking at it, "YOU FUCKING PERVERT! I'M GONNA RIP YOU TO PIECES!"

A well-placed kick sent it flying, and Gina scrambled to her feet, not losing her pants, and found herself in front of a fence.

"Damn!" the Little Bastard** made weird noises behind her, so she whirled around, bringing her fists up is a random guard, "Bring it, bitch."

The robot and her grappled, and why the hell am I even writing this scene out? Eh, no matter.

Gina flung it over her shoulder. As it got up, she pulled her .45 caliber pistol out from where it was safely tucked in the holster hidden in her jeans.

"I hope you like to eat lead," she growl as she pumped round after round into the little robot. Can anyone say overkill?

… No?

I guess not.

As Gina replaced her gun, Mikaela appeared out of the blue, holding a saw thing. "Sam!"

Gina glared at her. "Where the hell were you when I was getting killed?! You're the most unreliable person I know!"

"Where did you get that?!" Mikaela's eyes were wide as she stared at the weapon.

"I killed people in France with it***. Now can we get going? It sounds like the giant robot death-match is over."

They made the trek back across the lot, just as they saw the car… robot… whatever, walking over the hill towards them.

"What is that?" Mikaela breathed. Gina looked at her incredulously.

"Why the hell are you asking that _now_ when you could've asked that so many other times in this sequence of events?!"

"You don't know, do you?"

"Clearly, it's a _god damn robot_."

Mikaela glared at her. Gina rolled her eyes and approached the car. "Hey, can you talk?" she yelled.

"XM Satellite One... Digital Cable brings you... Columbia Broadcasting System…"

"So… you can talk with our radios and stuff?"

"Thank you, you're beautiful!" the robot clapped, nodding, "You're wonderful, you're wonderful."

Chuckling, a little, Gina asked "So, last night… that was…"

"Message from Starfleet, Captain... Throughout the inanimate vastness of space... And angels will rain down like visitors from Heaven! Hallelujah!" the robot pointed up into space.

Mikaela spoke up, "So, you're like, an alien?"

"Wow, you _finally _say something smart! Who would've thought?" Gina muttered under her breath.

The robot pointed at Mikaela and nodded before transforming back into his car form. "Anymore questions you want to ask?"

Gina watched as the door opened, before blinking in realization. "It wants us to get into the car."

Mikaela laughed incredulously, "And go where?"

"Would you rather I leave you here to walk home?"

Mikaela was quick to accompany Gina and they clambered into the car. Soon the car drove off. It was slightly cramped; Mikaela was sitting as close to Gina as she could.

"What the hell? Sit over there!" Gina tried to shove Mikaela over.

"I'm not gonna sit there while he's driving!" she protested.

"Mikaela! You sitting there isn't gonna do anything! Oh, fuck this! Get the hell out of my way!"

Gina climbed over Mikaela, plopping down on the driver's seat and buckling her self up, making a show of _moving her feet out of the way of the pedals and keeping her hands crossed over her chest_.

"God, I can't believe you can't do something as simple as this! No wonder you don't end up in college in the sequel!"

"What?"

"… Never mind, you wouldn't understand."

"You know what I don't understand?" Mikaela asked, buckling her seatbelt. Gina, meanwhile, was massaging her temples as a headache came on.

"What _now_?"

"If he's like, this super-advanced robot, why does he transform into this piece-of-crap Camaro?"

Abruptly, Bumblebee stopped, opening his door and kicking the teens out before driving off. Gina stared as he disappeared from view before she turned and slapped Mikaela with all of her strength.

"Wh-What the hell, Sam?!"

"You dumb broad! Don't talk shit about my car! Now look what you did! He fucking left us here! He fucking left us here because of your stupid comment! I hope you rot in hell!"

There was a strange noise, and Gina and Mikaela turned to watch a very sexy Camaro drive back their way.

"Is… is that…?" Mikaela ventured to ask as it pulled up next to them.

Gina grabbed Mikaela's shoulders, patting them lightly. "You are my best friend," she declared before climbing in to the driver's seat. She felt like a little kid on Christmas Day.

"This probably turned out to be the best day in my entire life," Gina remarked as the robot let her drive to some unknown destination that she somehow knew the location of, "I only wonder how I'm going to explain to my parents that I _didn't_ steal this from some random place."

* * *

*** Seriously, I'm not bullshitting. Go Youtube search 'Barricade Bumblebee Transformers car chase' or something similar. It's a one minute clip. And in the beginning, Sam had gone out in the morning, ergo he was attacked in the morning. And by the time Barricade and Bumblebee begin to duke it out, it's fucking twilight! WTF?**

**** For those of you who couldn't tell, the Little Bastard is a.k.a. Frenzy. But he really is a little bastard.**

***** Another _Taken by Retards_ reference. I'm so win (or fail. Probably a hybrid of both. A wail. Or a fin. Or a fain. Or a wil...)**

**A/N: Took me long enough, right? Anyways, I'm having a fun time writing these out, so I hope you've been enjoying reading them! I'm not sure when my next chapter will come out, because finals are fast approaching. Ugh. Finals. Anyways, I'll do what I can, and bear with me!  
**


End file.
